" This is for girls who have the tendency to stay up at listening to music that reminds them of their current situation. Who hide their fears, hurt, pain and tears under the smiles, laughs, giggles on a daily basis. The girls who wear their heart on their sleeve. The girls who pray that things will work out just once and they'll satisfied. The girls who scream and cry to their pillows  because everyone else fails to listen. The girls who have so many secrets but won't tell a soul. The girls who have mistakes and regrets as a daily moral. The girls that never win. The girls that stay up all night thinking about that one boy and hoping that he'll notice her one day. The girls who take life as it comes, to the girls who are hoping that it'll get better somewhere down the road. For the girls who love with all their heart although it always gets broken. To girls who think it's over. To real girls, to all girls : You're beautiful." - Zayn Malik

It's complicated. Semakin kesini semakin ngerti sebenernya. Semakin kesini semakin pengen bikin perubahan. Baru kali ini ngerasa aku bener bener gak nyaman. Aku gak nyaman sama tempat ini, sama suasana ini, sama orangnya, sama cara mereka ngomong, sama cara mereka mengekspresikan rasa mereka, sama semuanya pokoknya. I want to escape from this place. But I cant. Satu satunya jalan keluar nya cuma make a change. But I have tried it. Nothing. Sama sekali gak ada perubahan.
Di postinganku sebelumnya tentang resolusi aku bilang aku pengen ngubah semuanya, aku pengen ngubah pandanganku ke mereka, aku pengen nyaman sama lingkungan -yang setengah hari penuh aku habiskan disana-. Awalnya sih berjalan lancar. Aku udah mulai pelan pelan berubah, tapi semakin kesini ulah mereka bikin aku gak nyaman. Terus aku harus gimana? Keluar dari sini gak bisa, bikin perubahan juga gak bisa. Pura pura nyaman sama mereka? Sorry aku gak pinter pura pura.